A'la Darshni

Incurable thirst.

 

Religion has always fascinated me. And the spiritual realm that it delves into has always left me in amusement.

 

At the centre of every soul, of every being, there lies a deep urge to connect to the spiritual realm. Though spirituality is such an antiquated term as there is no clear description to what it can mean. As with Religion and as with faith, everyone has their own interpretation.

 

Spirituality in my definition is when you consciously combine your mind, body and soul into an activity. May it be contemplating, dancing, writing or reading! When you have those three elements in sync you're considered spiritual.

 

It’s a challenging prospect to have perfect coordination of the mind, body and soul. How many of you find yourself lost in thought whilst reading a book? Even upon meditation, your sincerity might be there, though your wandering thoughts get the better of you.

To become spiritual it takes a conscious effort though when you have mastered the habit, it gradually transforms you to a greater self. To understand this phenomenon, I think one would have to be influenced by the essence of religion; which is to be emancipated!

 

Several months ago whilst I was traveling alone, I wrote an evocative letter to my parents, in appreciation for the sacrifices they had made for their daughter and the admiration for their strength as a mother and father. I recall thanking my mother for instilling me the values of religion, of humanity! Because it struck me that anything would and is possible in this life time, though if you cannot understand the simplistic goal of human nature, then your life is doomed for discontentment.   

 

I remember this little comparison I left at the end, describing life as a game board:

 

“I feel as though life is this amazing challenging board game. And as with any game: you have instructions (a metaphor for Religion). You may play your game with instructions or you may decide to play without. If you choose the former, you have clear cut guidelines to how this game works…to how life can bring about luck (rolling the dice a six … or winning the lottery) how life challenges your strength of character (should I wait until my player moves? … Should I invest in the children or my job?) You are constantly competing yourself with the rest of the world. If you choose to play without instructions, you will not understand how and why certain actions happen; you just keep playing decadently in your life. You think without instructions, it will be easier to play…though being naïve you forget that ultimately no one wins. Because we all stop playing when our time is up (a metaphor for death), if you had followed a life with religion, at least you would have understood how this game works. It is not the person with the most power, money or fame that has won the game, it is the man who has played with satisfaction and fairness, realizing after all this is just a game. You must have been the billionth person to play this wonderful life. Play without cheating and rather with understanding and the game will reap inexorable amount of good.”

 

Happy playing!

As I leave the beach shack, I step out to an airless morning at Palolem beach, the sun forcefully glares at my deprived body demanding my attention. From enthusiastic swashbucklers, we had quite happily accustomed to slothful travellers! Our days at Palolem were indolent, no keen interest to do much apart from swim, eat and mingle!

The sun persuades me to forget my motivation to go and sightsee, I urge myself to overcome the temptation! And go downstairs to get ready for an anticipated venture.

 

Come on girl! Only a few days left till you leave this paradise, make the most of it!

 

My brother and I grab some breakfast at a relishing café’ near by. We bump into the Israeli girls that I played volleyball with last night! I eagerly ask what their plans are for the day hoping constructive enough to join! Nope doesn’t seem so, nothing more than sun baking at a beach nearby. I plead Satyam to take me somewhere...deep relaxation seems to faze after sometime! He obliges, as he mumbles “only one more month” under his breathe.

 

What?!  I retort

 

Nothing, I just don’t want you to nag that your elder brother didn’t take you anywhere...I’d rather be chilling on the hammock you know!

 

Hammock shammock! I’m sick of sitting round’ all day, we can chillax in the evening, let's check out the town nearby...

 

We successfully make our way to town without being discouraged by the heat or by dying of dehydration! We painfully walk another ten whole minutes till we find an ice-cream bar…the place is crowded with perspiring tourists all wanting to hide from the sun’s mischief. We squeeze into a bench sharing it with a German couple.

 

I start my usual rambling, where are they from...how do they find India etc! A very sweet and humble pair! Outrageously adventurous as well! they seemed to have come by motor bikes, and have travelled many parts of India by riding.

 

Wow! So you must have hired them, how much did they cost? I keenly ask

 

Umm actually we bought them, We’ve ridden from Germany! The husband replies.

 

You’re joking?!?!

 

The wife gives a heartily laugh. She explains how they manage...

 

A newly wedded couple in their early thirties, wanting to explore the world together, but never had a convenient time due to work pressures (both worked in the IT industry). After two years of marriage and no successful honeymoon, they quit their jobs. Left their homes in the care of their parents, and notified them of their indefinite return. They rode down south of Europe until they arrived at Greece, and caught a ferry to the Middle East (to the gateway of Syria). They rode through the Middle East, doggedly missing Afghanistan and Iraq but saw their beauty through the borders.

 

Still in disbelief, I sit listening to the conversations flowing between Satyam and the couple. They talk about the beauty of Pakistan, touchy topic...I ask how it really is? They ardently support the nation speaking of its splendour; they argue how the media brutally portrays the wrong image of this war-torn country and frankly opinionated the hospitality being better in Pakistan than in India! I become more excited through their colourful stories and the experiences they have had.

 

We talk for another half an hour or so...until our umpteenth order of chilled drinks and ice cream. Shame! They don’t live in Palolem beach…they seem to avoid any commercial places opting for a low key camping spot. They point out their budget is not meant for a lavish holiday but rather for something out of the motorcycle diaries (A movie based on Che’ Guevara).

 

Talk about a challenging honeymoon

 

I admire their audacity to come travelling to unknown realms at such a far distance… especially the wife! She seems no taller than a few centimetres by my height and is quite a petite yet sturdy build. Not to mention wearing hiking boots and khaki pants for this weather seems way too painful. Before I could think of dreaming to do something similar, reality hits me! With: how could I fit my holiday clothes in such a rucksack?! That is enough to last me for just Palolem!  

 

 

 

Contemplating the thought of change

Sitting in my room with a jaded state of mind, I start pondering over life, reflecting on what I've achieved and what I want to achieve...I brief through my writing and come across a journal entry that reflects my outlook on change and my value system...

Things change in life, and if you’re smart enough you will realise, all for the better! Change is inevitable...there is a constant force that allows us to adapt to new situations and new people. Without change there would be no excitement in our life!

There are times when new adaptations are not always appealing, whether it be someone passing away to loosing a friend, you will find it hard to bare. It is a deep down fear and misery that disallows us to grow and accept what has happened as a positive norm. Surely I went through a similar experience and I went into misery and fear though I got myself through and changed. Everything changes from marriages, friends, career to even your smooth car's running. The best healer can only be time and a mentality that prevents hold-ups such as depression. 

One thing in life however that does not change is "God" ...ever present, "HE" does not change yet with mystery he changes how we feel about him. He gives us the opportunity to become closer to him; you may say he is the reason for change!

I know I have changed within the past few years, drastically! I don't know what hit me! Maybe maturity? (I do not think my parents will agree!) Or maybe it was just life experiences? My perception of certain situations and understanding people has been challenged… However I don't think my ideals in life have changed, I realise I have similar values and beliefs as before yet stronger.

                   "Let bygones be bygones"

 Famous words by Shakespeare. Yet I tend to think only if you have learnt or gained something out of it, there is no point allowing yourself to forget moments where you felt heartache, love, sadness or happiness if you didn't find yourself stronger in someway. 

At some points in my life, I wish nothing would change, as the period is full of happiness and perfection…but then I realise the ignorance of my thought. I guess if every moment was filled with that much joy and content than I would take it as the norm, and would take those precious moments for granted and wouldn’t strive for better! Like they say…you need to feel pain in order to feel love.

I guess if I never sacrifice my value system I will always remain intact to my true self, then no change can deter my focus in life…it will just make me more resilient to the world’s atrocities.  

Goa...aaah if there was only a word to describe it, Palolem beach in paticular...well if it helps they name her the lost paradise. Found now!

Is it sinful to have this much fun? Socialising, sun, beach, indulgence of the taste buds...mmm I can sense the taste of sweet papaya juice on my tongue right now! NAH! I guess there’s no such thing as too much fun! I mean I deserved it, they were my last precious months in India: a working holiday! Working because India is exhausting to anyone who even goes there for a holiday! You need a holiday from your holiday. Trust me you have to go there to understand what the true essence of what exhausting is; firstly it's a third world country (sorry! "Developing" nation...politically correct I assume, just like the African American!) And besides I have an impatient mind-set for convenience, so the thought of delay of time and sheer laziness infuriated me.

Though, contrary to anything that reflects this nation, Palolem seemed to represent India poorly with only a few souvenir shops and with the only Indian being a labourer! It is densely populated (India with few people?!?!?) and has a chillaxing ambience about it.

Iám sitting here writing and contemplating how to describe this paradise; the waiter comes and disturbs my string of thought: "Here is your tea madam"

"Thankyou" I reply

"No problem, where are you from? 

One question and you get a chapter of someone's life sitting in your lap! Me and Ajay get chatting for a few good miniutes on his childhood and his ambition to get out of this "bar" life, fascinating facts come flowing...Poor kid! He’s had a hard life. Only 17, has worked in the bar for a good few years to earn his family a sufficient living, his dream: to go to school and study business in college. I empathize and wallow in his pity for a few moments.

"Ajay" the manager calls impatiently.

The chapter closes as quickly as it opened, none the less never forgotten.

I take a deep breath; listening and admiring the crashing waves making their first break with the sunrise. I absorb the moment, vowing to never forget this implausible moment in time. Ah the pleasures of doing nothing!!

Perhaps in the future I’ll have enough words to satisfy the worth of Palolem…but for now let me reminisce about those days!

This topic has fascinated and amused me for many hours of a discussion, you cannot avoid this subject where ever you go! whether someone is in one, had one, wants one or has known someone with the previous three... I know huh? Confusing stuff! But I haven't even started covering the depths of what complication dating can bring: Politics, dirty games, lust, lies, immense love, romance....perhaps even possibly hatred towards the end! who knows? there is no forecast of where a relationship can take you: